Settling Down
Posted on | May 5, 2009 | No Comments
Things are starting to settle down a bit in our home after the wonderful outpouring of love and generosity we received last week. The services and reception were just beautiful and we can’t thank everyone enough for being there, attending to all the details, and lifting us up in prayer. It was a true testimony to the body of Christ and we are so thankful and hopeful that John’s life was focused on the glory of God.
The process of grieving is hard work, good work. And we know we must move through it. We continue to fluctuate between the peace we have knowing John is in perfect hands suffering no more and missing holding his chubby little body and caring for his every need. We miss singing to him and praying with and for him. We miss watching William sit next to him on the couch and snuggle up to him. We miss having him at the dinner table with us as he was hooked up to his feeling pump and we talked about our day with baby John and who came over to help care for him. We will treasure those memories always and as we heal, we will look joyfully upon those months we were able to have him in our home and surround him with love and care.
I (Kelly) kept a journal I wrote to John all the months of my pregnancy and came across an entry I wrote over a year ago that I thought I would share.
February 14, 2008
“Well, today is Valentine’s Day. It’s a day we can really remember God’s love for us and hold fast to it. This is also the day we go to the doctor for our first ultrasound. I wish I could say I am not anxious at all, that I am at complete peace with whatever happens. But I must admit that I am a bit nervous. Will you be implanted in the right place, will you have a heart beat? So many questions, but we will know in only three hours. I just wanted to write before the appointment because I know God is faithful and just and all we want to do through all of this is glorify His name. There is a song William and I have been listening to on a CD and it says, “God deserves all glory for Himself.” It is beautiful and so true. William always wants to know why God deserves all glory for Himself. It is precious. He is so excited about you and can’t wait to see your picture today at the doctor. A scripture I have been memorizing is so comforting. It is Psalm 28:7, ‘The Lord is my strength and my shield; In Him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to Him.’ I must remember God is so good and I need to just sit back and watch Him do all His good.”
I share this because it reminds me of God’s goodness and His promises and the desire that we had at the beginning of this journey to glorify God’s name in John’s life. Although we will do this imperfectly, we pray this will continue to be our goal in life.
To God be the Glory.
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